Bad memories can become good!

For anyone who really knows me I've been honest about my childhood and the struggles I've encountered over the years because of it. One such memory that has always left me tearful and saddened over twenty years later is the story about the family bunny rabbit.
My siblings and I had a pet rabbit, given to us by our parents for Easter one year. As typical kids we fell in love with Jellybean and she quickly took a hold of our hearts... when we moved to Bryan County all of our animals came with us and over the months that followed slowly the chickens "disappeared". As money was scarce and there was no job in sight for daddy our food ran out. Logically, we needed to eat, mercifully we were too young to realize the full situation.
One day, our Jellybean was gone. Broken hearted my sister cried and my brother pouted. That evening, we had meat for supper with the rice we usually had. As we were eating and exclaiming of how good it was the joke was made and I'll never forget the words my mother used to describe the meat we were happy to have. One simple phrase that I as a seven year old understood only too well- "hop a roo" - Yes, we ate the rabbit. It was then at that very moment I understood that my child hood would never be normal, I would never have the care free world that so many of my class mates enjoyed. My best friend at the time had a new barbie every week and my most epic moment was eating my bunny... what a break!
As the years went by I "forgot" the memory and all the pain that went along with it. That is until my daughter came home one day from school asking for a pet rabbit. All of a sudden the tears that were long dry came back, the heart ache was there as I relived a moment of the past that I wish I never had. My reaction was irrational, I knew this, as I looked at that sweet little face and told her no way would we ever own a rabbit, but it was bigger than me. You see, it went deeper than just a family who was hungry and parents doing what they thought was the best thing at the time. It was a symbol of the beginning of the next ten years of my life! A life that was full of one disappointment after another, a family that never hugged or loved or cared the way I wanted them too...
Ironically, this past weekend, my little family went camping. The campground we stayed at was full of fuzzy little bunny rabbits that would let you pet them. As I watched Britany running after them trying to catch the rabbits, an unexplainable peace came over me, I felt happy with the association of the little rabbits being chased by my daughter instead of the ghosts that have always plagued my mind. To see the simple smile on her face as I showed her how to feed the rabbit out of her hand and conversation about how I used to play with our bunny. Somehow, it was a moment of letting go, looking forward, knowing that I'll never be caught in the reality that I lived so many years ago. I put my defenses down and it didn't hurt me! This is what healing is about folks! Even if it did take thirty years, I am getting there!